You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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