I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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