whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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