I'm drive I can fine osifer
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
