He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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