haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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