I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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