This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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