Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cannot find my penis.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
