Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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