NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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