lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize