I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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