I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
