I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
