She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
