took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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