She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
