Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
