yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
