how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
