Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
