Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
