I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What drink are we having for lunch?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
