why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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