Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
