FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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