He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
