I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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