her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just high enough for therapy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
