He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
