just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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