Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
