so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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