Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
