i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
