Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
