I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
