Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
