did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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