At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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