his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
