Come see our sink grown plant.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
