Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
