yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
