oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
