in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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