i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
