I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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