the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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