i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
