so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
