i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
