Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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