I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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