Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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