So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So vagazzling was a success
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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