Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
