Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
