i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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