you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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