Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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