Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
