I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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