Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
