thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
