The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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