Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
