I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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