how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
