I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
