This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
